
Even with years of experience in leadership and change management, I couldn’t escape the familiar phases of change, this time with AI adoption. And that’s natural. Whenever something new arises, our first instinct is fear, especially when it could solve years of “only ifs.”
Yes, the tech industry is in a storm, and being an engineering lead has never been harder. Everyone is looking to you for answers, direction, and vision.
At first, I was in denial, thinking AI was for someone with fewer responsibilities. But then I realized the real question was:
What can I do to help my teams adapt to AI?
The answer was simple: push myself through the change and proactively lead my team’s transformation. Needless to say, it wasn’t easy.
Chapter 1: Denial
Even without an assistant, I am a top performer; I do not need to perform better.
Last year, AI tools arrived in our workspaces, but most of us were still in denial. They made for good morning coffee talk, but using them daily? That felt unreal.
Yeah, right. That will not happen. It’s not that I don’t want to learn something new, but I already have a ton on my plate: five teams to lead, acting as PM for a few products, and coaching a few prospective managers. On top of that, there are parallel technical initiatives I need to oversee. I simply don’t have time to play with shiny new tools,that’s for people not juggling ten parallel topics.
You can see how easy it is to fall into the trap of your own perspective. The painful truth is: even if you keep delivering at your current pace, without adopting AI tools, you won’t be able to keep up in a few months.
How can you tell if you’re stuck in denial?
Start by asking yourself three crucial questions:
- Did I hear about a change? New trends in the industry? Internal reorganization? Anything that could be classified as a disruption topic? Actively listen to all sources of information.
- Am I feeling like the ‘only one who is overstretched, with no time for anything’? It could mean you’re blinded by your own perspective.
- Am I criticizing the change – openly or secretly? Together with the two above, a possible diagnosis is denial.
You don’t want to stay in this state for too long. As a proactive leader, your next step should be to take the time to investigate.
Chapter 2: Anger
I don’t want you! You are not my assistant!
And suddenly you realize the change is real. Your doubt becomes reality. Every topic is now an AI topic, and it’s irritating. It should feel new and interesting, but you feel pushed into it, without the chance to choose. Already overstretched, your natural response is another primary feeling: anger.
I could sense that state of mind in many of my peers and engineers over the last year. It’s not easy to force yourself into a positive mindset instantly.
The message I want to share is this: it’s okay to feel negative, but staying in that state too long can undermine your results. Spend as little time as possible in it, learn to let it go, and give it a try.
Chapter 3: Bargaining
Ok, let’s see what I can really do.
Keeping an open mind is valuable for anyone, no matter their rank or role. As an engineer, rolling up your sleeves should be natural.
So, aside from trying it out of curiosity, I decided to dive deeper and explore architecture and try the tools. Engineers usually transition quickly, but if they get stuck, you can help by highlighting the positive aspects. I used the opportunity to innovate and learn as a positive hook.
Chapter 4: Depression
I need to relearn everything again – more work for human me… again.
Reality strikes.
I’ve opened a new Pandora’s box. So much to adapt to, while still maintaining old performance. AI should help me, not add more work. Will I ever escape this loop?
Leading through this phase is about providing support and reminding people of the positive outcomes.
Chapter 5: Acceptance
We’re friends now. Sorry I was so mean before.
With the knowledge comes the acceptance.
Yes, that was a big change, but I found a couple of good use cases quickly. Claude code amazed me, and I even saw a few valid Copilot use cases, even though I despised it at first. I started thinking about all the cases I could explore, and my inner engineer took over.
Now it’s easy to bring others on board and help them through the change. And stay transparent, sharing the doubts you’ve faced and showing the human side.
So, how does a true leader approach AI?
Remember: ignoring changes around you is risky for any organization. It’s natural to fall into denial, but as a leader, it’s crucial to recognize it and take action.
Being aware of the steps that individuals, teams, or the organization need to push through (and helping them do it) is a key leadership skill.
The post As an Engineering Manager, I couldn’t ignore AI if my teams are to survive appeared first on ShiftMag.







