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Do you know a person with good ideas who nobody seems to listen to? Someone in your family? At work? Is it you? Being able to clearly and persuasively communicate might be the most important skill any of us can have in the years ahead. Whether steering humans or AI, your success depends on getting your point across in a way that resonates. Judging the efforts found in my social media feeds, most of us are awful at bringing people around to a different way of thinking.
But we can get better! This is a learned skill that anyone can pick up. I’ve been studying the topic for a while now, and get asked from time to time what resources I recommend. Here’s a batch of books I’ve learned the most from.
Messengers: Who We Listen To, Who We Don’t, and Why. Learn about eight traits that reliably predict if someone will listen to you. Some key passages:
- “It is surely understandable, therefore, that frequently we tend to judge an idea not on its merits, but according to how we judge the person putting it forward. We fail to separate the idea being communicated in a message from the person or entity conveying it.“
- “Hard messengers are more likely to have their messages accepted, because audiences perceive them to possess superior status. Soft messengers, in contrast, win acceptance of their messages because they are perceived to possess a connectedness with an audience.”
- “Leaders who lack confidence come across as weak. Uninspiring. Replaceable. Incompetent even. Not just in politics, but in business too, where the messenger needs to convey their confidence in order to communicate effectively their ideas, inventions and innovations.”
- “Quite simply, we infer trustworthiness if we are party to repeated, consistent, positive interactions with someone else.”
- “As a rule, hard messengers are more likely to have an impact on audiences looking to gain something tangible from them: resources or information, or a leader to follow. Soft messengers appeal more to those interested in less tangible benefits: a sense of a personal bond or loyalty, or mutual respect.”
Pre-Suasion: A Revolutionary Way to Influence and Persuade. Robert is considered the “godfather of persuasion” and this book is a must-read for those wanting to understand how to set up persuasive communication. Some key passages:
- “One of the central assertions of this book: the truly influential things we say and do first act to pre-suade our audience, which they accomplish by altering audience members’ associations with what we do or say next.”
- “I’ve claimed that the six—reciprocation, liking, social proof, authority, scarcity, and consistency—represent certain psychological universals of persuasion.”
- “Here’s the point for the influence process: whatever we can do to focus people on something—an idea, a person, an object—makes that thing seem more important to them than before.”
Human Hacking: Win Friends, Influence People, and Leave Them Better Off for Having Met You. I read this last year and it was valuable to me for thinking about empathy as a key part of persuasive messaging. Some key passages:
- “In some ways we’re tricking people, but more fundamentally we’re wielding finely honed empathy and social savvy to our advantage. Applying insights from psychology, we cue in closely to how people are thinking and feeling, and use that information to nudge them so that they want to comply with our requests.”
- “Conversely, it’s very difficult to win friends, influence people, and get what you want if you haven’t mastered what we might call “the art of the start.” Let’s explore how to initiate conversations more deliberately, so that you’re evoking positive emotional responses in people that will make them want to engage further with you.”
- “If you can master the art of nonverbal communication, you’ll have a far easier time getting others to do your bidding than if you rely on words alone.”
The Catalyst: How to Change Anyone’s Mind. A different take. Instead of trying to change people’s minds, you remove roadblocks to getting there. Some key passages:
- “How can faster change happen with less energy? It seems to violate the very laws of thermodynamics. But special substances take a different approach. Rather than pushing, they lower the barriers to change. And these substances are called catalysts.”
- “Because rather than asking what might convince someone to change, catalysts start with a more basic question: Why hasn’t that person changed already? What is blocking them?“
- “Consequently, seasoned negotiators don’t start with what they want; they start with whom they want to change. Working to gain insight into where that person is coming from.“
- “To change minds, then, we need to stop trying to persuade, and encourage people to persuade themselves.”
- “Catalyzing change isn’t just about making people more comfortable with new things; it’s about helping them let go of old ones. Easing endowment.”
- “Particularly with bigger shifts, change takes weeks, months, or even years to occur. But by understanding why people change, and why they don’t, catalysts make change more likely.”
Do You Talk Funny?: 7 Comedy Habits to Become a Better (and Funnier) Public Speaker. Stand-up comedy is the scariest job I can imagine. But I’ve got a decent sense of humor and like adding some laughs to my interactions. Seems to help. Some key passages:
- “Every time I watch effective business speakers, I see the same techniques used by stand-up comedians at work. If the goal is improved public speaking, stand-up comedy offers a solid means of achieving it.”
- “You don’t need to be naturally funny to get laughs. Most comedians I met were not.”
- “People don’t invest in your business or product. They invest in you and your story. If you want people to remember what you say, tell a compelling story.”
- “Invite the audience into your story. Give them something they can relate to. Remember, the most powerful thing you can do with story is to allow the audience to see themselves within it.”
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It. FBI negotiators know a thing or two about persuasion. Good tactics here. Some key passages:
- “The whole concept, which you’ll learn as the centerpiece of this book, is called Tactical Empathy. This is listening as a martial art, balancing the subtle behaviors of emotional intelligence and the assertive skills of influence, to gain access to the mind of another person. Contrary to popular opinion, listening is not a passive activity. It is the most active thing you can do.”
- “Going too fast is one of the mistakes all negotiators are prone to making. If we’re too much in a hurry, people can feel as if they’re not being heard and we risk undermining the rapport and trust we’ve built.”
- “That’s why, instead of denying or ignoring emotions, good negotiators identify and influence them. They are able to precisely label emotions, those of others and especially their own.”
- “Politics aside, empathy is not about being nice or agreeing with the other side. It’s about understanding them.”
- “Driving toward ‘that’s right’ is a winning strategy in all negotiations. But hearing ‘you’re right’ is a disaster.“
- “Splitting the difference is wearing one black and one brown shoe, so don’t compromise. Meeting halfway often leads to bad deals for both sides.”
Win Your Case: How to Present, Persuade, and Prevail–Every Place, Every Time. We can learn a lot from lawyers when it comes to making effective arguments. Some key passages:
- “So, how do I get you to trust me? The answer is simple: I have to be trustworthy. I cannot be a clever sneak. I cannot be a word shark. I cannot lie to you. I cannot hide. I cannot evade. I must be open.”
- “Big words often hide small minds.”
- “To move others we must first be moved. To persuade others, we must first be credible. To be credible we must tell the truth, and the truth always begins with our feelings.”
- “If there is a set of facts that is hurtful or embarrassing to my case I hasten to present it in my opening. I want the jury to know the facts against me.”
Sales Pitch: How to Craft a Story to Stand Out and Win. Most sales pitches aren’t very good. They’re unfocused, lack urgency, and keep the story on their own needs. This book sets you on the right path. Some key passages:
- “This book is going to teach you how to take your positioning and turn it into a sales pitch that helps your customers understand exactly how your product is different and better than everything else on the market.”
- “As a vendor, you always need to position against the buyer’s status quo, even if there are other vendors to worry about on the customer’s shortlist. Part of positioning against the status quo is making the case for change.”
- “Value, and more importantly differentiated value, is at the core of great sales and marketing.”
- “The goal of a great sales pitch is to help customers understand all their choices, the trade-offs between each, and when to pick your solution.”
Five Stars: The Communication Secrets to Get from Good to Great. Are you good at moving others to action? This book is full of tips and anecdotes to make you better at it. Some key passages:
- “The ability to convince others that your ideas matter is the single greatest skill that will give you a competitive edge at a time when the combined forces of globalization, automation, and artificial intelligence trigger a wave of anxiety across every profession in every country.“
- “Developing original ideas and communicating those ideas effectively is the single greatest skill you can build today to own your future.”
- “A three-star employee meets needs; a five-star employee anticipates.”
- “One of the most effective tools of persuasion is to use the classic narrative structure of dividing the story into three parts or ‘acts’: the set-up describes the current situation; the conflict highlights the problem your customer faces; and the resolution proposes your idea or solution.”
- “Introduce your one big idea within 15 seconds of starting your presentation.”
To Sell is Human: The Surprising Truth About Moving Others. We’re all selling something. Ourselves, a product or service, an idea. Some key passages:
- “Two main findings emerged: People are now spending about 40 percent of their time at work engaged in non-sales selling—persuading, influencing, and convincing others in ways that don’t involve anyone making a purchase.“
- “To sell well is to convince someone else to part with resources—not to deprive that person, but to leave him better off in the end.”
- “When buyers can know more than sellers, sellers are no longer protectors and purveyors of information. They’re the curators and clarifiers of it—helping to make sense of the blizzard of facts, data, and options.”
- “In a sense, Chauvin says, his best salespeople think of their jobs not so much as selling candy but as selling insights about the confectionery business.”
Win Bigly: Persuasion in a World Where Facts Don’t Matter. Some people are just really good persuaders. What can we learn from them? Key passages:
- “That is classic deal making. You start with a big first demand and negotiate back to your side of the middle.”
- “Persuasion is all about the tools and techniques of changing people’s minds, with or without facts and reason.”
- “By the way, reciprocity is a big thing in persuasion. When you do someone a favor, it triggers an automatic reciprocity reflex in the recipient.”
- “Master Persuaders move your energy to the topics that help them, independent of facts and reason.”
- “The main theme of this book is that humans are not rational. We bounce from one illusion to another, all the while thinking we are seeing something we call reality.”
Impossible to Ignore: Creating Memorable Content to Influence Decisions: Creating Memorable Content to Influence Decisions. It’s hard to get anything to stick with people nowadays when so many things compete for our attention. Those who succeed, win. Some key passages:
- “The purpose of this book is to translate current memory research into practical techniques you can apply today to help others remember and act on what you consider important.”
- “To be on people’s minds, you must become part of their reflexes, habits, and/or goals they consider valuable.”
- “To become impossible to ignore, we must learn how to create cues, bring important memories to an audience’s mind, and help listeners execute on intentions at a future point.”
Pitch Anything: An Innovative Method for Presenting, Persuading, and Winning the Deal. Another one I read last year, and it left a mark. We’re talking past our audience and failing to hold attention. Some key passages:
- “You can do all those things as well as they can be done—and still not be convincing. That’s because a great pitch is not about procedure. It’s about getting and keeping attention.”
- “The better you are at keeping someone’s attention, the more likely that person will be to go for your idea.”
- “Second, unless your message is presented in such a way that the crocodile brain views it to be new and exciting—it is going to be ignored.”
- “Establishing a prize frame is the very first thing you need to do when you are on someone else’s turf, ready to begin your pitch.”
- “Have fun. Be popular. Enjoy your work. There is nothing as attractive as someone who is enjoying what he or she does. It attracts the group to you and allows you to build stronger frames and hold them longer.”
- “Earlier I said that one of the things that can go wrong is that your pitch is boring. In a large majority of presentations, this is the problem.”
The Power of Communication: skills to Build Trust, Inspire Loyalty, and Lead Efficiently. We’ve covered a lot of books here, and this last one looks at the right approach to communication. Some key passages:
- “Communication is an act of will directed toward a living entity that reacts.”
- “This is the element most lost on many leaders. The only reason to engage an audience is to change something, to provoke a reaction. Effective communication provokes the desired reaction; ineffective communication doesn’t.“
- “Communication isn’t about telling our story. That’s undisciplined, self-indulgent, and often illusory. The power of communication is getting audiences to listen—and to care.”
- “So effective leaders frame first and give facts second … Executives have a very difficult time with this. Many feel the need to focus just on facts. Or to lead with facts and allow the frames to follow. This is a mistake.“
Don’t get intimidated by the size of the list. It’s taken me a decade+ to go through all this, and I’ll never be done. Becoming a persuasive communication is a lifelong journey and an exercise in humility. There’s always more to learn, but the payoff will likely have a massive impact on your satisfaction with life.
